Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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