cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
