One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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