Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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