No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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