May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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