did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
