I wanna bring you to show and tell
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
