so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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