This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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