please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
