this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
