It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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