i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize