It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
