answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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