dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
