I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
