Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
