I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
