i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
