I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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