i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize