I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
