come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
