My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
