I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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