i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
