I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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