i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
