We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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