he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
