My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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