I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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