well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
