I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
