Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
