I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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