So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
