mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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