So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My penis needs a shock collar
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
