Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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