Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
