Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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