You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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