Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
