I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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