we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
