What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
