I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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