not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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