i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
