Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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