is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
