Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
