just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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