I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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