Need sex. Gaining weight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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