someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
