well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
