He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize