1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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