Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
