I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
