either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
