I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
