he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
