Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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