I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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