Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
